649 jokes found
Joke | |
---|---|
What did the beaver say to the tree? It's been nice gnawing you. |
Permalink |
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern? You use a pumpkin patch. |
Permalink |
What did the late tomato say to the early tomato? I’ll ketch up |
Permalink |
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it. |
Permalink |
I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now. |
Permalink |
When is a door not a door? When it's ajar. |
Permalink |
I made a belt out of watches once... It was a waist of time. |
Permalink |
Why did Mozart kill all his chickens? Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they'd all say "Bach bach bach!" |
Permalink |
This furniture store keeps emailing me, all I wanted was one night stand! |
Permalink |
How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for fresh prints. |
Permalink |
My sister bet me $15 that I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face as I drove pasta. |
Permalink |
My boss told me to have a good day... so I went home. |
Permalink |
I just read a book about Stockholm syndrome. It was pretty bad at first, but by the end I liked it. |
Permalink |
Why do trees seem suspicious on sunny days? Dunno, they're just a bit shady. |
Permalink |
If at first you don't succeed, sky diving is not for you! |
Permalink |
I'd like to start a diet, but I've got too much on my plate right now. |
Permalink |
What kind of music do mummy's like? Rap |
Permalink |
What's large, grey, and doesn't matter? An irrelephant. |
Permalink |
A book just fell on my head. I only have my shelf to blame. |
Permalink |
What did the dog say to the two trees? Bark bark. |
Permalink |