650 jokes found

Joke
What did the beaver say to the tree? It's been nice gnawing you.
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How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern? You use a pumpkin patch.
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What did the late tomato say to the early tomato? I’ll ketch up
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I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
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I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.
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When is a door not a door? When it's ajar.
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I made a belt out of watches once... It was a waist of time.
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Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?
Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they'd all say "Bach bach bach!"
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This furniture store keeps emailing me, all I wanted was one night stand!
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How do you find Will Smith in the snow?  Look for fresh prints.
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My sister bet me $15 that I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face as I drove pasta.
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My boss told me to have a good day... so I went home.
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I just read a book about Stockholm syndrome. It was pretty bad at first, but by the end I liked it.
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Why do trees seem suspicious on sunny days? Dunno, they're just a bit shady.
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If at first you don't succeed, sky diving is not for you!
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I'd like to start a diet, but I've got too much on my plate right now.
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What kind of music do mummy's like? Rap
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What's large, grey, and doesn't matter?
An irrelephant.
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A book just fell on my head. I only have my shelf to blame.
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What did the dog say to the two trees? Bark bark.
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