Why do trees seem suspicious on sunny days? Dunno, they're just a bit shady.

If at first you don't succeed, sky diving is not for you!

A book just fell on my head. I only have my shelf to blame.

What did the dog say to the two trees? Bark bark.

Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it'd be a foot!

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.

Why should you never trust a pig with a secret? Because it's bound to squeal.

Why are mummys scared of vacation? They're afraid to unwind.

Whiteboards ... are remarkable.

What kind of dinosaur loves to sleep? A stega-snore-us.

What’s Forest Gump’s Facebook password? 1forest1

What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree!

Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, ‘No, just leave it in the carton!’

I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around.

How many tickles does it take to tickle an octopus? Ten-tickles!

Me: If humans lose the ability to hear high frequency volumes as they get older, can my 4 week old son hear a dog whistle?

Doctor: No, humans can never hear that high of a frequency no matter what age they are.

Me: Trick question... dogs can't whistle.

What musical instrument is found in the bathroom? A tuba toothpaste.

My boss told me to attach two pieces of wood together... I totally nailed it!

What was the pumpkin’s favorite sport?

Squash.