576 jokes found

Joke
What’s Forest Gump’s Facebook password? 1forest1
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What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree!
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Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, ‘No, just leave it in the carton!’
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I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around.
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How many tickles does it take to tickle an octopus? Ten-tickles!
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Me: If humans lose the ability to hear high frequency volumes as they get older, can my 4 week old son hear a dog whistle?

Doctor: No, humans can never hear that high of a frequency no matter what age they are.

Me: Trick question... dogs can't whistle.
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What musical instrument is found in the bathroom? A tuba toothpaste.
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My boss told me to attach two pieces of wood together... I totally nailed it!
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What was the pumpkin’s favorite sport?

Squash.
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Recent survey revealed 6 out of 7 dwarf's aren't happy.
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What do you call corn that joins the army? Kernel.
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I've been trying to come up with a dad joke about momentum . . . but I just can't seem to get it going.
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‘Put the cat out’ … ‘I didn’t realize it was on fire
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Is there a hole in your shoe? No… Then how’d you get your foot in it?
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Every night at 11:11, I make a wish that someone will come fix my broken clock.
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Two muffins were sitting in an oven, and the first looks over to the second, and says, “man, it’s really hot in here”. The second looks over at the first with a surprised look, and answers, “WHOA, a talking muffin!”
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What's the difference between a guitar and a fish? You can tune a guitar but you can't "tuna" fish!
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Did you hear that the police have a warrant out on a midget psychic ripping people off? It reads “Small medium at large.”
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Why don't sharks eat clowns?  Because they taste funny.
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Just read a few facts about frogs. They were ribbiting.
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