Every machine in the coin factory broke down all of a sudden without explanation. It just doesn’t make any cents.

Why does it take longer to get from 1st to 2nd base, than it does to get from 2nd to 3rd base? Because there’s a Shortstop in between!

What do you do when you see a space man?
Park your car, man.

If you want a job in the moisturizer industry, the best advice I can give is to apply daily.

Where do you take someone who has been injured in a Peek-a-boo accident? To the I.C.U.

When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble.

How do you make Lady Gaga cry? Poker face. 

What do you call a group of killer whales playing instruments? An Orca-stra.

I was in an 80's band called the prevention. We were better than the cure.

What did Michael Jackson name his denim store?    Billy Jeans!

People saying 'boo! to their friends has risen by 85% in the last year.... That's a frightening statistic.

Geology rocks, but Geography is where it's at!

Why does Han Solo like gum? It's chewy!

I was at the library and asked if they have any books on "paranoia", the librarian replied, "yes, they are right behind you"

Have you heard of the band 1023MB? They haven't got a gig yet.

The urge to sing the Lion King song is just a whim away.

What happens when you anger a brain surgeon? They will give you a piece of your mind.

I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

I used to work at a stationery store.  But, I didn't feel like I was going anywhere.

So, I got a job at a travel agency.  Now, I know I'll be going places.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.