Whats a penguins favorite relative? Aunt Arctica.

Never Trust Someone With Graph Paper...

They're always plotting something.

What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.

What do you call a group of disorganized cats? A cat-tastrophe.

What is bread's favorite number?  Leaven.

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The p is silent.

How do you know if there’s an elephant under your bed? Your head hits the ceiling!

How do you teach a kid to climb stairs? There is a step by step guide.

Where do owls go to buy their baby clothes? The owlet malls.

Why does Norway have barcodes on their battleships? So when they get back to port, they can Scandinavian.

What's the worst part about being a cross-eyed teacher?

They can't control their pupils.

What do you call a fashionable lawn statue with an excellent sense of rhythmn? A metro-gnome

Someone broke into my house last night and stole my limbo trophy. How low can you go?

Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.

Mountains aren't just funny, they are hill areas

I was going to learn how to juggle, but I didn't have the balls.

The Swiss must've been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.

Why was the strawberry sad? Its parents were in a jam.

I wear a stethoscope so that in a medical emergency I can teach people a valuable lesson about assumptions.

Why are ghosts bad liars? Because you can see right through them!