563 jokes found

Joke
I gave all my dead batteries away today, free of charge.
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Did you hear the news? FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.
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Why didn't the number 4 get into the nightclub? Because he is 2 square.
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What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud.
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Did you hear that David lost his ID in prague? Now we just have to call him Dav.
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My wife is on a tropical fruit diet, the house is full of stuff. It is enough to make a mango crazy.
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Why do mathematicians hate the U.S.? Because it's indivisible.
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I knew i shouldn’t have ate that seafood. Because now i’m feeling a little… Eel
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Past, present, and future walked into a bar.... It was tense.
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Did you hear about the bread factory burning down? They say the business is toast.
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My boss told me that he was going to fire the person with the worst posture. I have a hunch, it might be me.
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What's black and white and read all over? The newspaper.
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Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
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Without geometry life is pointless.
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“Hold on, I have something in my shoe”  “I’m pretty sure it’s a foot”
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Have you heard about the film "Constipation", you probably haven't because it's not out yet.
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I hate perforated lines, they're tearable.
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Why did the barber win the race? He took a short cut.
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Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
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What did the judge say to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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