744 jokes found

Joke
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
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R.I.P. boiled water. You will be mist.
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Q: What did the spaghetti say to the other spaghetti?
A: Pasta la vista, baby!
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The first time I got a universal remote control I thought to myself, "This changes everything"
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Why is the ocean always blue? Because the shore never waves back.
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Why did the feline fail the lie detector test? Because he be lion.
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Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!
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I decided to sell my Hoover… well it was just collecting dust.
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Why do ducks make great detectives? They always quack the case.
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What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds!
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What do I look like? A JOKE MACHINE!?
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I bought shoes from a drug dealer once. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.
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What is a tornado's favorite game to play? Twister!
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You know that cemetery up the road? People are dying to get in there.
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Pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in The Bahamas. These are the pie-rates of the Caribbean.
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What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated.
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Did you hear about the Mexican train killer? He had loco motives
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Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.
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What is worse then finding a worm in your Apple? Finding half a worm in your Apple.
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What do vegetarian zombies eat? Grrrrrainnnnnssss.
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