576 jokes found

Joke
I thought my wife was joking when she said she'd leave me if I didn't stop signing "I'm A Believer"... Then I saw her face.
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What do you call two barracuda fish?  A Pairacuda!
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Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands.
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What do you do on a remote island? Try and find the TV island it belongs to.
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Did you know that protons have mass? I didn't even know they were catholic.
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Dad I’m hungry’ … ‘Hi hungry I’m dad
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I was fired from the keyboard factory yesterday.  I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
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Whoever invented the knock-knock joke should get a no bell prize.
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Wife: Honey I’m pregnant.

Me: Well…. what do we do now?

Wife: Well, I guess we should go to a baby doctor.

Me: Hm.. I think I’d be a lot more comfortable going to an adult doctor.
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Why was Pavlov's beard so soft?  Because he conditioned it.
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Do I enjoy making courthouse puns? Guilty
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Why did the kid throw the clock out the window? He wanted to see time fly!
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Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
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Why couldn't the kid see the pirate movie? Because it was rated arrr!
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Man, I really love my furniture... me and my recliner go way back.
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What did the traffic light say to the car as it passed? "Don't look I'm changing!"
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Why did the man run around his bed? Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep!
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What did one wall say to the other wall? I'll meet you at the corner!
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Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.  That’s just how I roll.
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Conjunctivitis.com – now that’s a site for sore eyes.
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