744 jokes found

Joke
What is a centipedes's favorite Beatle song?  I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand...
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My first time using an elevator was an uplifting experience. The second time let me down.
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To be Frank, I'd have to change my name.
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Slept like a log last night … woke up in the fireplace.
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What do you call a female snake. misssssssss 
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Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock? Because it's a little meteor.
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I thought my wife was joking when she said she'd leave me if I didn't stop signing "I'm A Believer"... Then I saw her face.
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I’m only familiar with 25 letters in the English language. I don’t know why.
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What do you call two barracuda fish?  A Pairacuda!
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What did the father tomato say to the baby tomato whilst on a family walk? Ketchup.
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Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands.
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What do you do on a remote island? Try and find the TV island it belongs to.
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Did you know that protons have mass? I didn't even know they were catholic.
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Dad I’m hungry’ … ‘Hi hungry I’m dad
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I was fired from the keyboard factory yesterday.  I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
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Whoever invented the knock-knock joke should get a no bell prize.
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Wife: Honey I’m pregnant.

Me: Well…. what do we do now?

Wife: Well, I guess we should go to a baby doctor.

Me: Hm.. I think I’d be a lot more comfortable going to an adult doctor.
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Have you heard the story about the magic tractor? It drove down the road and turned into a field.
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When will the little snake arrive? I don't know but he won't be long...
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Why was Pavlov's beard so soft?  Because he conditioned it.
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