649 jokes found
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I thought my wife was joking when she said she'd leave me if I didn't stop signing "I'm A Believer"... Then I saw her face. |
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I’m only familiar with 25 letters in the English language. I don’t know why. |
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What do you call two barracuda fish? A Pairacuda! |
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What did the father tomato say to the baby tomato whilst on a family walk? Ketchup. |
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Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands. |
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What do you do on a remote island? Try and find the TV island it belongs to. |
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Did you know that protons have mass? I didn't even know they were catholic. |
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Dad I’m hungry’ … ‘Hi hungry I’m dad |
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I was fired from the keyboard factory yesterday. I wasn't putting in enough shifts. |
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Whoever invented the knock-knock joke should get a no bell prize. |
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Wife: Honey I’m pregnant. Me: Well…. what do we do now? Wife: Well, I guess we should go to a baby doctor. Me: Hm.. I think I’d be a lot more comfortable going to an adult doctor. |
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When will the little snake arrive? I don't know but he won't be long... |
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Why was Pavlov's beard so soft? Because he conditioned it. |
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Do I enjoy making courthouse puns? Guilty |
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Why did the kid throw the clock out the window? He wanted to see time fly! |
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Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu: You get what you deserve. |
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Why couldn't the kid see the pirate movie? Because it was rated arrr! |
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Man, I really love my furniture... me and my recliner go way back. |
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What did the traffic light say to the car as it passed? "Don't look I'm changing!" |
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My son is studying to be a surgeon, I just hope he makes the cut. |
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