What do you call two barracuda fish?  A Pairacuda!

Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands.

What do you do on a remote island? Try and find the TV island it belongs to.

Did you know that protons have mass? I didn't even know they were catholic.

Dad I’m hungry’ … ‘Hi hungry I’m dad

I was fired from the keyboard factory yesterday.  I wasn't putting in enough shifts.

Whoever invented the knock-knock joke should get a no bell prize.

Wife: Honey I’m pregnant.

Me: Well…. what do we do now?

Wife: Well, I guess we should go to a baby doctor.

Me: Hm.. I think I’d be a lot more comfortable going to an adult doctor.

Do I enjoy making courthouse puns? Guilty

Why couldn't the kid see the pirate movie? Because it was rated arrr!

Man, I really love my furniture... me and my recliner go way back.

What did the traffic light say to the car as it passed? "Don't look I'm changing!"

Why did the man run around his bed? Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep!

What did one wall say to the other wall? I'll meet you at the corner!

Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.  That’s just how I roll.

Conjunctivitis.com – now that’s a site for sore eyes.

How many South Americans does it take to change a lightbulb? A Brazilian

I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something.

A police officer caught two kids playing with a firework and a car battery. He charged one and let the other one off.

What is the difference between ignorance and apathy?

I don't know and I don't care.