"I'm sorry." "Hi sorry, I'm dad"

What is the hardest part about sky diving? The ground.

Why did the cowboy have a weiner dog? Somebody told him to get a long little doggy.

My friend keeps telling me "Cheer up. You aren't stuck in a deep hole in the ground, filled with water."
I know he means well.

Who did the wizard marry? His ghoul-friend

How many seconds are in a year?
12.
January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd.... etc

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know.

Ever wondered why bees hum? It's because they don't know the words.

How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb? 1 or 2? 1... or 2?

There's not really any training for garbagemen. They just pick things up as they go.

Did you hear about the cow who jumped over the barbed wire fence? It was udder destruction.

I was shocked when I was diagnosed as colorblind... It came out of the purple.

How come the stadium got hot after the game? Because all of the fans left.

Where does astronauts hangout after work? At the spacebar.

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!

I’ve deleted the phone numbers of all the Germans I know from my mobile phone. Now it’s Hans free.

What do you call your friend who stands in a hole? Phil.

A doll was recently found dead in a rice paddy. It's the only known instance of a nick nack paddy wack.

How do you tell the difference between a crocodile and an alligator? You will see one later and one in a while.

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.