563 jokes found

Joke
A man tried to sell me a coffin today. I told him that's the last thing I need.
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It doesn't matter how much you push the envelope. It will still be stationary.
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What did the shy pebble wish for? That she was a little boulder.
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Why did the belt go to prison? He held up a pair of pants!
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Wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it... We had some drinks, cool guy, wants to be a web developer.
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What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit? A blood orange.
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A cannibal is someone who is fed up with people.
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Why did the cookie cry?
Because his mother was a wafer so long
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Want to hear my pizza joke? Never mind, it's too cheesy.
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What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.
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What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt.
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Why was the picture sent to prison? It was framed.
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Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.
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Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
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How can you tell a vampire has a cold? They start coffin.
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At the boxing match, the dad got into the popcorn line and the line for hot dogs, but he wanted to stay out of the punchline.
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"Hey, dad, did you get a haircut?" "No, I got them all cut."
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Why is there always a gate around cemeteries? Because people are always dying to get in.
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I asked a frenchman if he played video games. He said "Wii"
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