549 jokes found

Joke
Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.
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Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
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How can you tell a vampire has a cold? They start coffin.
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At the boxing match, the dad got into the popcorn line and the line for hot dogs, but he wanted to stay out of the punchline.
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"Hey, dad, did you get a haircut?" "No, I got them all cut."
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Why is there always a gate around cemeteries? Because people are always dying to get in.
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I asked a frenchman if he played video games. He said "Wii"
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So, I heard this pun about cows, but it’s kinda offensive so I won’t say it. I don’t want there to be any beef between us. 
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What kind of music do planets listen to? Nep-tunes.
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Shout out to my grandma, that's the only way she can hear.
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Why was the broom late for the meeting? He overswept.
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I went on a date last night with a girl from the zoo. It was great. She’s a keeper.
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Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they're so good at it.
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Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. 
He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. 
This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
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What do you call an alligator in a vest? An in-vest-igator!
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What did celery say when he broke up with his girlfriend? She wasn't right for me, so I really don't carrot all.
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Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me. It means a lot.
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What's brown and sticky? A stick.
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What biscuit does a short person like? Shortbread. 
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The invention of the wheel was what got things rolling
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