Do you want a brief explanation of what an acorn is? In a nutshell, it's an oak tree.

How come a man driving a train got struck by lightning? He was a good conductor.

Camping is intense.

Dad died because he couldn't remember his blood type. I will never forget his last words. Be positive.

I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.

How does Darth Vader like his toast? On the dark side.

Why didn’t the orange win the race? It ran out of juice.

Did you hear about the runner who was criticized? He just took it in stride

What animal is always at a game of cricket? A bat.

Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? 
Because he was a little horse!

I started a new business making yachts in my attic this year...the sails are going through the roof

If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks--it cost me an arm and a leg!

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.

I am terrified of elevators. I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.

Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honey combs!

Did you know you should always take an extra pair of pants golfing? Just in case you get a hole in one.

I wish I could clean mirrors for a living. It's just something I can see myself doing.

How do the trees get on the internet? They log on.

To the guy who invented zero... thanks for nothing.