563 jokes found

Joke
To the guy who invented zero... thanks for nothing.
Permalink
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.
Permalink
What is red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint!
Permalink
*Reversing the car* "Ah, this takes me back"
Permalink
Doctor you've got to help me, I'm addicted to Twitter. Doctor: I don't follow you.
Permalink
How do locomotives know where they're going? Lots of training
Permalink
How did the hipster burn the roof of his mouth? He ate the pizza before it was cool.
Permalink
A butcher accidentally backed into his meat grinder and got a little behind in his work that day.
Permalink
Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? The food is great, but there’s just no atmosphere.
Permalink
What kind of pants do ghosts wear? Boo jeans.
Permalink
Two guys walked into a bar, the third one ducked.
Permalink
I really want to buy one of those supermarket checkout dividers, but the cashier keeps putting it back.
Permalink
A horse walks into a bar. The bar tender says "Hey." The horse says "Sure."
Permalink
Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.
Permalink
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.
Permalink
"Dad, I'm hungry." Hello, Hungry. I'm Dad.
Permalink
I'm practicing for a bug-eating contest and I've got butterflies in my stomach.
Permalink
I have the heart of a lion... and a lifetime ban from the San Diego Zoo.
Permalink
What do you call a guy lying on your doorstep? Matt.
Permalink
I met this girl on a dating site and, I don't know, we just clicked.
Permalink