What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? Shakespeare.

What do you call an eagle who can play the piano? Talonted!

What do you call a boomerang that won't come back? A stick.

What do you call a duck that gets all A's? A wise quacker.

I used to work for an origami company but they folded.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do not read it!

The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.

Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be bay-gulls!

Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

The best time on a clock is 6:30--hands down.

What do you call a magician who has lost their magic? Ian.

Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!

When do doctors get angry? When they run out of patients.

A man tried to sell me a coffin today. I told him that's the last thing I need.

It doesn't matter how much you push the envelope. It will still be stationary.

What did the shy pebble wish for? That she was a little boulder.

Why did the belt go to prison? He held up a pair of pants!

Wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it... We had some drinks, cool guy, wants to be a web developer.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.