Why does Superman get invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

Why is no one friends with Dracula? Because he's a pain in the neck.

A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke, but he was alright because it was a soft drink.

What is the leading cause of dry skin? Towels

A man walked in to a bar with some asphalt on his arm. He said “Two beers please, one for me and one for the road.”

Did you know the first French fries weren't actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.

I’ll tell you something about German sausages, they’re the wurst

Where did Captain Hook get his hook? From a second hand store.

I got fired from a florist, apparently I took too many leaves.

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

I got fired from the transmission factor, turns out I didn't put on enough shifts...

Where do young cows eat lunch? In the calf-ateria.

I went to the doctor today and he told me I had type A blood but it was a type O.

How does a French skeleton say hello? Bone-jour.

Why was the big cat disqualified from the race? Because it was a cheetah.

What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.

What’s E.T. short for? He’s only got little legs.

We all know where the Big Apple is but does anyone know where the Minneapolis?

What kind of award did the dentist receive? A little plaque.

Got a new suit recently made entirely of living plants. I wasn’t sure at first, but it’s grown on me