Where’s the bin? Dad: I haven’t been anywhere!

My wife said I was immature. So I told her to get out of my fort.

Why did the knife dress up in a suit? Because it wanted to look sharp

How do you make a water bed more bouncy. You use Spring Water

I considered building the patio by myself. But I didn't have the stones.

In my career as a lumberjack I cut down exactly 52,487 trees. I know because I kept a log.

Why do bears have hairy coats? Fur protection.

What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep? A bah-humbug.

What did one snowman say to the other snow man? Do you smell carrot?

"Dad, do you think it's going to snow this winter?" "I dont know, its all up in the air"

Why do bees hum? Because they don't know the words.

What do you call a troublesome Canadian high schooler? A poutine.

A magician was driving down the street and then he turned into a driveway.

Don't trust atoms. They make up everything.

If you walk into a forest and cut down a tree, but the tree doesn't understand why you cut it down, do you think it's stumped?

Where do bees go to the bathroom?  The BP station.

What is the best way to carve?
Whittle by whittle.

What's a ninja's favorite type of shoes? Sneakers!

Why did the tree go to the dentist? It needed a root canal.

It was raining cats and dogs the other day. I almost stepped in a poodle.