Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach? Because they might peel!

What do you call a bee that lives in America? A USB.

I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.

A farmer had 297 cows, when he rounded them up, he found he had 300

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.

I’ve got this disease where I can’t stop making airport puns. The doctor says it terminal.

Somebody stole my Microsoft Office and they're going to pay - you have my Word.

What concert costs only 45 cents? 50 cent featuring Nickelback.

I couldn't figure out how the seat belt worked. Then it just clicked.

What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
BREATH!!

What do you call a dad that has fallen through the ice? A Popsicle.

Two parrots are sitting on a perch. One turns to the other and asks, "do you smell fish?"

Bad at golf? Join the club.

I had a pair of racing snails. I removed their shells to make them more aerodynamic, but they became sluggish.

What do you call a pile of cats?  A Meowtain.

How do hens stay fit? They always egg-cercise!

Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.

What do you give a sick lemon? Lemonaid.

What do you call an old snowman? Water.

I tried to milk a cow today, but was unsuccessful. Udder failure.