What musical instrument is found in the bathroom? A tuba toothpaste.

I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.

My boss told me to attach two pieces of wood together... I totally nailed it!

What was the pumpkin’s favorite sport?

Squash.

Recent survey revealed 6 out of 7 dwarf's aren't happy.

What do you call corn that joins the army? Kernel.

I've been trying to come up with a dad joke about momentum . . . but I just can't seem to get it going.

‘Put the cat out’ … ‘I didn’t realize it was on fire

Why don't skeletons ride roller coasters? They don't have the stomach for it.

Is there a hole in your shoe? No… Then how’d you get your foot in it?

Every night at 11:11, I make a wish that someone will come fix my broken clock.

Two muffins were sitting in an oven, and the first looks over to the second, and says, “man, it’s really hot in here”. The second looks over at the first with a surprised look, and answers, “WHOA, a talking muffin!”

What's the difference between a guitar and a fish? You can tune a guitar but you can't "tuna" fish!

Did you hear that the police have a warrant out on a midget psychic ripping people off? It reads “Small medium at large.”

Why don't sharks eat clowns?  Because they taste funny.

Just read a few facts about frogs. They were ribbiting.

Two satellites decided to get married. The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible.

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

What do you get if you put a duck in a cement mixer? Quacks in the pavement.

They tried to make a diamond shaped like a duck. It quacked under the pressure.