What is a vampire's favorite fruit? A blood orange.

A cannibal is someone who is fed up with people.

Why did the cookie cry?
Because his mother was a wafer so long

Want to hear my pizza joke? Never mind, it's too cheesy.

What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.

What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt.

Why was the picture sent to prison? It was framed.

Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.

I burned 2000 calories today, I left my food in the oven for too long.

Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.

How can you tell a vampire has a cold? They start coffin.

At the boxing match, the dad got into the popcorn line and the line for hot dogs, but he wanted to stay out of the punchline.

"Hey, dad, did you get a haircut?" "No, I got them all cut."

Why is there always a gate around cemeteries? Because people are always dying to get in.

I asked a frenchman if he played video games. He said "Wii"

My dentist is the best, he even has a little plaque!

So, I heard this pun about cows, but it’s kinda offensive so I won’t say it. I don’t want there to be any beef between us. 

What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? Same middle name.

What kind of music do planets listen to? Nep-tunes.

Shout out to my grandma, that's the only way she can hear.