Did you hear the one about the guy with the broken hearing aid? Neither did he.

Did you hear about the campsite that got visited by Bigfoot? It got in tents.

I saw a documentary on TV last night about how they put ships together.  It was rivetting.

What did the Red light say to the Green light? Don't look at me I'm changing!

What did the ocean say to the beach? Thanks for all the sediment.

What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between us, something smells!

What do you call a fly without wings? A walk.

Why did the melons plan a big wedding? Because they cantaloupe!

Yesterday I confused the words "jacuzzi" and "yakuza". Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese mafia.

What is the least spoken language in the world?
Sign Language

What do birds give out on Halloween? Tweets.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not sure.

Velcro… What a rip-off.

Have you heard the rumor going around about butter? Never mind, I shouldn't spread it.

Every morning when I go out, I get hit by bicycle. Every morning!  It's a vicious cycle.

What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down? It gets toad.

I fear for the calendar, its days are numbered.

I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.

What do you get when you cross a chicken with a skunk? A fowl smell!