Why do nurses carry around red crayons? Sometimes they need to draw blood.

Why was the shirt happy to hang around the tank top? Because it was armless

Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.

"I'll call you later." Don't call me later, call me Dad.

Why did the teddy bear say “no” to dessert? Because she was stuffed.

I don't trust sushi, there's something fishy about it.

New atoms frequently lose electrons when they fail to keep an ion them.

Did you hear the one about the giant pickle?  He was kind of a big dill.

Breaking news! Energizer Bunny arrested – charged with battery.

How many bones are in the human hand? A handful of them.

A red and a blue ship have just collided in the Caribbean. Apparently the survivors are marooned.

I've just written a song about a tortilla. Well, it is more of a rap really.

Can February march? No, but April may.

So a duck walks into a pharmacy and says “Give me some chap-stick… and put it on my bill”

Egyptians claimed to invent the guitar, but they were such lyres.

Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.

What is a witch's favorite subject in school? Spelling!

What do you call a crowd of chess players bragging about their wins in a hotel lobby? Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

Which side of the chicken has more feathers? The outside.

Remember, the best angle to approach a problem from is the "try" angle.