Why do choirs keep buckets handy? So they can carry their tune

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's ok, he woke up.

I asked my date to go to the gym the other day. They never showed up. That's when I knew we wouldn't work out.

You will never guess what Elsa did to the balloon. She let it go.

Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months.

Waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience.

Why can't eggs have love? They will break up too soon.

You can't run through a camp site. You can only ran, because it's past tents.

They're making a movie about clocks. It's about time

I’ve just been reading a book about anti-gravity, it’s impossible to put down!

Archaeology really is a career in ruins.

Have you ever seen fruit preserves being made? It's jarring.

I was going to get a brain transplant, but I changed my mind

Have you heard about the owl sanctuary job opening? It’s all night shifts but they’re all a hoot over there.

I boiled a funny bone last night and had a laughing stock

Why can't you use "Beef stew" as a password? Because it's not stroganoff.

Animal Fact #25: Most bobcats are not named bob.

What did the piece of bread say to the knife? Butter me up.

Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie? He was too far out, man.

They say Dodger Stadium can hold up to fifty-six thousand people, but that is just a ballpark figure.