It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs, because they take everything literally.

It's difficult to say what my wife does, she sells sea shells by the sea shore.

Why did Dracula lie in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.

What did one plate say to the other plate? Dinner is on me!

what do you call a dog that can do magic tricks? a labracadabrador

Doctor: Do you want to hear the good news or the bad news?
Patient: Good news please.
Doctor: we're naming a disease after you.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

I tried to write a chemistry joke, but could never get a reaction.

I gave my friend 10 puns hoping that one of them would make him laugh. Sadly, no pun in ten did.

What do computers and air conditioners have in common? They both become useless when you open windows.

What do you call a monkey in a mine field? A babooooom!

Scientists finally did a study on forks. It's about tine!

I cut my finger cutting cheese. I know it may be a cheesy story but I feel grate now.

How do you steal a coat? You jacket.

Why don't you find hippopotamuses hiding in trees?
They're really good at it.

what happens when you cross a sheep with a kangaroo ? A woolly jumper!

I’m reading a book on the history of glue – can’t put it down.

Want to hear a joke about construction? Nah, I'm still working on it.

My friend told me that pepper is the best seasoning for a roast, but I took it with a grain of salt.

Just watched a documentary about beavers… It was the best damn program I’ve ever seen.