I just got fired from a florist, apparently I took too many leaves.

Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have nobody to go with.

What does a female snake use for support? A co-Bra!

"Dad, I'm cold."
"Go stand in the corner, I hear it's 90 degrees."

Child: Dad, make me a sandwich. Dad: Poof! You're a sandwich.

which flower is most fierce? Dandelion

Why are graveyards so noisy? Because of all the coffin.

What kind of bagel can fly? A plain bagel.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them!

What do you call a careful wolf? Aware wolf.

I was just looking at my ceiling. Not sure if it’s the best ceiling in the world, but it’s definitely up there.

Why do valley girls hang out in odd numbered groups? Because they can't even.

“My Dog has no nose.” “How does he smell?” “Awful”

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

Why are snake races so exciting? They're always neck and neck.

Why did the half blind man fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well!

As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden. The plot thickens.

What do bees do after they are married? They go on a honeymoon.

If I could name myself after any Egyptian god, I'd be Set.

Why doesn't the Chimney-Sweep call out sick from work? Because he's used to working with a flue.