I just got fired from a florist, apparently I took too many leaves.

How many tickles does it take to tickle an octopus? Ten-tickles!

It was so cold yesterday my computer froze. My own fault though, I left too many windows open.

How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb? Let's go ride bikes!

How many seconds are in a year?
12.
January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd.... etc

I got fired from a florist, apparently I took too many leaves.

Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me. It means a lot.

How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb? Oh, it's a really obscure number. You've probably never heard of it.

How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb? 1 or 2? 1... or 2?

What do computers and air conditioners have in common? They both become useless when you open windows.

When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.

Why does Superman get invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

What do you call an old snowman? Water.

I went to a book store and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was, she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.

I’ll tell you something about German sausages, they’re the wurst

I asked a frenchman if he played video games. He said "Wii"

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.

No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.

Did you hear the joke about the wandering nun? She was a roman catholic.

Two muffins were sitting in an oven, and the first looks over to the second, and says, “man, it’s really hot in here”. The second looks over at the first with a surprised look, and answers, “WHOA, a talking muffin!”