I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.

Where do rabbits go after they get married? On a bunny-moon.

Why do pumpkins sit on people’s porches?

They have no hands to knock on the door.

When Dad drops a pea off of his plate ‘oh dear I’ve pee’d on the table!

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Want to hear a chimney joke? Got stacks of em! First one's on the house

What do you call a guy lying on your doorstep? Matt.

I met this girl on a dating site and, I don't know, we just clicked.

What did the calculator say to the student? You can count on me.

I saw a documentary on TV last night about how they put ships together.  It was rivetting.

What do bees do after they are married? They go on a honeymoon.

What did the father tomato say to the baby tomato whilst on a family walk? Ketchup.

I got an A on my origami assignment when I turned my paper into my teacher

I broke my finger at work today, on the other hand I'm completely fine.

Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road? To go with the traffic jam.

Why does Norway have barcodes on their battleships? So when they get back to port, they can Scandinavian.

What do you do on a remote island? Try and find the TV island it belongs to.

“Hold on, I have something in my shoe”  “I’m pretty sure it’s a foot”

I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.

How does Darth Vader like his toast? On the dark side.