I gave my friend 10 puns hoping that one of them would make him laugh. Sadly, no pun in ten did.

What do you call corn that joins the army? Kernel.

What do you call a dad that has fallen through the ice? A Popsicle.

What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river.

My friend told me that pepper is the best seasoning for a roast, but I took it with a grain of salt.

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.

Man, I really love my furniture... me and my recliner go way back.

Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!

Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie? He was too far out, man.

A man is washing the car with his son. The son asks...... "Dad, can’t you just use a sponge?"

What did the doctor say to the gingerbread man who broke his leg? Try icing it.

What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.

A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke, but he was alright because it was a soft drink.

Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? The food is great, but there’s just no atmosphere.

I was at the library and asked if they have any books on "paranoia", the librarian replied, "yes, they are right behind you"

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. 
He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. 
This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Got a new suit recently made entirely of living plants. I wasn’t sure at first, but it’s grown on me

I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do not read it!

Did you hear the news? FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye Matey!