I saw a documentary on TV last night about how they put ships together.  It was rivetting.

Have you heard about corduroy pillows?  They're making headlines!

Did you hear about the submarine industry? It really took a dive...

What's the worst part about being a cross-eyed teacher?

They can't control their pupils.

Have you heard about the film "Constipation", you probably haven't because it's not out yet.

I don't trust sushi, there's something fishy about it.

Did you hear the one about the giant pickle?  He was kind of a big dill.

Did you hear about the runner who was criticized? He just took it in stride

Did you hear about the Mexican train killer? He had loco motives

Have you heard the story about the magic tractor? It drove down the road and turned into a field.

Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn't change color? They had a reptile dysfunction.

Have you heard the rumor going around about butter? Never mind, I shouldn't spread it.

I've just written a song about a tortilla. Well, it is more of a rap really.

I wear a stethoscope so that in a medical emergency I can teach people a valuable lesson about assumptions.

You know what they say about cliffhangers...

What is the hardest part about sky diving? The ground.