"Dad, do you think it's going to snow this winter?" "I dont know, its all up in the air"

I went to the store to pick up eight cans of sprite... when I got home I realized I'd only picked seven up

Slept like a log last night … woke up in the fireplace.

I had a dream that I was a muffler last night. I woke up exhausted!

Did you know crocodiles could grow up to 15 feet? But most just have 4.

Don't trust atoms. They make up everything.

What did the piece of bread say to the knife? Butter me up.

Why did the belt go to prison? He held up a pair of pants!

It's been months since I bought the book "how to scam people online". It still hasn't turned up.

Why did the fireman wear red, white, and blue suspenders? To hold his pants up.

They say Dodger Stadium can hold up to fifty-six thousand people, but that is just a ballpark figure.

A cannibal is someone who is fed up with people.

You know that cemetery up the road? People are dying to get in there.