Scientists finally did a study on forks. It's about tine!

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.

What do you call a crowd of chess players bragging about their wins in a hotel lobby? Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

I’ll tell you something about German sausages, they’re the wurst

So, I heard this pun about cows, but it’s kinda offensive so I won’t say it. I don’t want there to be any beef between us. 

Want to hear a joke about construction? Nah, I'm still working on it.

Some people say that comedians who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out, but they don't know watt they are talking about. They're not that bright.

Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water? He had a very esteemed colleague.

Did you hear about the cow who jumped over the barbed wire fence? It was udder destruction.

I just read a book about Stockholm syndrome. It was pretty bad at first, but by the end I liked it.

Just watched a documentary about beavers… It was the best damn program I’ve ever seen.

Just read a few facts about frogs. They were ribbiting.

The other day I was listening to a song about superglue, it’s been stuck in my head ever since.

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's ok, he woke up.

What is this movie about? It is about 2 hours long.

The great thing about stationery shops is they're always in the same place...

Did you hear about the cheese who saved the world? It was Legend-dairy!

Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? The food is great, but there’s just no atmosphere.